you have to choose: penises or morals?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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