great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
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Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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