I wish I could punch you in the face.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Randomize
