Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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