I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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