That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
