my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
