It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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