I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
