i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
