but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
