Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
