WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
