dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
