from now on my penis is your penis
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
