Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
