Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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