Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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