I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh god the rape fog is back!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
