Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
