thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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