i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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