I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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