I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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