Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
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Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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