Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
