Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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