he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
