if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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