I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
