Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
