I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
