I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
