I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
