"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
