Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
