Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
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Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
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I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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