who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
