youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
