So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
