i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
