Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
