I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
