my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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