If i come over, it means nothing
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
