it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
