I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
