Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
