yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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