how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
