saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet