yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
