I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.