Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He? As in you personified your dick?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
