one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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