i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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