i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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