Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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