I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
