oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I want to walk on stilts...naked
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
