This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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